Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Kaleidoscoope of our Lives

The Kaleidoscope of our Lives
Little pinpoints, glimpses of memories
Distorted, enhanced, gone or imagined, different now
For better or for worse

A flash of familiar
Dancing with color or aromas
"I know that person," he says to me, "but I don't know who they are."
I whisper in his ear

A flash. He turns the kaleidoscope
Little pinpoints, glimpses of memories
Distorted, enhanced, gone or imagined, different now
In sickness and in health

We sit in front of the fire and
I remind him, assure him
In sickness and in health
For better or for worse

"Do I like brussel sprouts," he asks?
"You do" I tell him, but today he thinks he doesn't.
"How do I know you aren't just saying that. I can't remember"
"You used to like them," I tell him and he looks sad. Then angry.

Tomorrow he might walk to the river.
He might sit for hours listening to the river sing.
He wonders who he is now and says to me,"I used to be smart."
"You are still smart," I say and he sighs.
"What do we have to do today," he asks?
Nothing. Nothing at all I tell him.

A flash. He turns the kaleidoscope
Little pinpoints, glimpses of memories
Distorted, enhanced, gone or imagined, different now
In sickness and in health

And we might walk up, away from the river towards home.
We might sit in front of the fire.
I will tell him how much I love him and
He says, "I don't know why".

"I wish I could remember," he says.
"It's okay," I tell him. "You remember me."
"Yeah. But I don't remember me," he says.
I take his hand. '
Til death do us apart.

A flash. He turns the kaleidoscope
Little pinpoints, glimpses of memories
Distorted, enhanced, gone or imagined, different now
In sickness and in health
Til death do us apart.

It's our kaleidoscope. Ours.


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CodyGirlScout said...

Wow. I have tears streaming down my face. I don't pray often and I don't really pray to anyone but the universe, but tonight I will pray for you, for your husband, for what was and what will be.

Vicki said...

Thanks Codygirl. Things in our life have their own rythym. I wrote this during a particularly difficult time and it was a healing thing for me to do. My husband just read it today, and I was afraid he might feel like it was too personal to put out there. But he liked it very much. We are all on an intensely personal journey that is inexplicitly shared with a million other people...connected. It's good to reach out and find you are not alone.

I look forward to reading your blog and appreciate you taking the time to comment on mine.

"Leap - and a net will appear!"



Harry & Lisa said...

A very powerful and moving post. You both are in our prayers and thoughts. XO Lisa and Harry

Gordo said...

The things that touch us are often the most personal, the most poignant. Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem. I hope you continue with your blog, because as I’ve said before, you are a wonderful writer. Best of luck to you and Greg.

Shelley said...

I do not know you, just tripped upon you when I hit 'next blog' after viewing my own. Synchronicity...my husband was just diagnosed with Parkinson's dimentia yesterday, and your poem shook me from the inside out. I fell less alone. Thank you so much!

Shelley Wildgen thiswhiteshed.blogspot.com

Vicki said...

Thank you Gordo and Shelly. Gordo...might see you soon in the cool highlands of Panama where the aracaris and hummingbirds and heliconia awaits us (deep breath, ahhhhh...)!

Thanks L & H...still living the dream...in STYLE! Miss you guys.

Shelly, marriage is a journey, and sometimes you think you know the destination. But when you reach that destination, it is sometimes entirely different than imagined. And while you might not have planned for the place you find yourself standing, it is a destination to be explored and made the best of. Not easy for either Greg or I, but always a journey that reaffirms our love for each other.

By the way, though he never promised me a rose garden, I intend to make one anyway. So there!

Cheryle Gilmore said...

A very beautiful poem! I remember how talented you were with words and it is lovely to see it today! I am doing well here in Atlanta, beginning school at Kennesaw State University in August, finally finishing my degree! It is so hectic here, it is almost like a breath of fresh air to read your blog. Your words take me to an unknown and calming place. It is good to keep in touch too. I've often found myself curious how you two are doing over the years since you left. I am glad to have found this blog. You left great memories for me to recount on in my short time knowing you. Good luck, and I hope we can keep in touch! Keep the blogs coming too!

Vicki said...

Hi Cheryle! Wonderful to hear how you are doing. You were always such a beautiful, smart, sweet gal, so I am happy to hear life is good for you.

I'll soon be out-of-touch internet wise, but plan to continue adding to my blog from the high mountains of Panama as we start over there. I will go back to Chile in season (Dec/Jan/Feb) for quick visits, but can't have Mr. so remote and isolated from quick medical care.

Thanks for connecting on FB


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Margaret said...

Hi Vicki-
Just beautiful... and it really touched home. We've been watching my mother's memory slip away from her--and from us--just a little piece at a time over the past few years...
My heart goes out to you both during this stretch of your journey together.

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